Orange sheep

This isn’t my usual blogpost. But you as my reader must know the grass isn’t greener on the other side. I just would love to be honest with you. Wrote this little text out of some frustration maybe I must admit. Wrote it quick so pardon my faults. Just really desperately needed to spill this out.

I’m afraid I’m not using all of my capacities. That I am limiting myself. I am young, not too hurt by the outside world YET. I carried my deepest childhood characteristics for myself, never letting anyone change who I am. But I’m afraid I’m losing my inner child. I want to be wild, take the day as another challenge to improve, to create, to overwhelm. So many ideas floating in my head of possibilities with NONE I can start.

Is this really the world I live in? Am I living in a fishbowl? Thinking this is my world while it’s just an eenymeenietinywiny little part of it? Am I going to live here all of my life? Doing what’s expected of me but not thinking what I really want to do? I am sick and tired of living in my limitation box. I want to cut it open and run run run as fast as I can, take the day as it is and have some challenge. I don’t want to be that fish no longer, no longer a sheep of the pack. Sometimes I feel like I was born like an orange sheep trying to be white.

Why am I trying to be white? So I can live up to the expectations they told me to be all my live. I am not talking about my parents. Talking about the way society told me how to grow up. Get as soon as you can in school ! and stay there as long as possible ! only then you’ll be able to really express yourself and be happy in your job. You can’t have the job you dream of if you don’t get that diploma!

Really? Was I being fooled all my life? Without a diploma I won’t be able to have a job that I like?

Fuck this. I want to create, learn the things I am really interested in or that randomly come to my path. I want to be the creator of my destiny. No longer listening all day learning this I won’t even remember.

So…. Hehe this is out. I’m feeling relieved. I’m sure this is just a lil drama moment in my life, but I want to learn from it. I’m sure that one day I’ll feel free, and I hope you'll do too :)

love,

amberlynn